Robin Williams’ suicide

I couldn’t believe it at first when I heard that Robin Williams had died by suicide. It was a real shock. My first thoughts were why, when he is so loved by so many and he is so talented? But, he suffered from depression. And depression can affect anyone, no matter their talents, riches, lifestyle…it doesn’t discriminate.

Did you know that in Australia we have more deaths by suicide than road deaths? Approximately 2,400 people take their own lives each year. The average age in Australia for suicide is 43 with 77% being men. And here’s another shocking statistic - of all the deaths of male Australians in the 20 – 40 year age group, one quarter are by suicide! And these are suicide attempts that succeed, The number of people who attempt suicide is much, much higher. (Bureau of statistics 2012 http://www.mindframe-media.info/for-media/reporting-suicide/facts-and-stats)

Why are we surprised by these facts? It’s happening around us and we don’t talk about it. It’s like a secret that no one really wants to bring out in the open. And unfortunately that perpetuates the problem. Because of the silence around suicide we, as a society, and especially the Christian community, often have wrong ideas about causes and how to help someone.

Suicide IS largely preventable. We need to be open to talking about it, find out more about why people choose to take their own lives and what we can do to prevent it happening. Here are some things you may not know about suicide:

• There is almost always some clue or warning signs. Most people contemplating suicide will speak of their feelings of wanting to die if they are asked by a trusted loved one.
• 75% of suicides are by people who are clinically depressed.
•  Sometimes suicide happens when a person’s depression starts to get better. That’s because sometimes energy and motivation lift before a person’s mood improves, which gives them the energy and impetus to carry out their ideas.
• There is a misconception that people who talk about death won't actually do it, but this is not true. Most people who do die by suicide have talked about it leading up to the act.
• Talking about suicide with a depressed person will not 'push them over the edge', as is a common myth. It is often a great relief to be able to talk about it.
•  Some people have the belief that those who really want to die will do it anyway - they won't be talked out of it. But most people have mixed feelings about taking their own life, sometimes wavering until the last moment. It IS possible to talk someone out of suicide. If you can get them past that moment, you give them a second chance to get the help they need to never feel like that again.
• A suicidal person may not ask for help and may even seem like they are rejecting help at times, but that doesn’t mean help isn’t really wanted. Most people who commit suicide don’t actually want to die, they just want the pain to end. Most people wish there was an alternative but they just can’t see one.
• Depression not only causes a low mood, but severe depression messes with logical thinking. This combined with their deep emotional agony and despair makes them believe that they are only a burden to others. So much so that they truly believe that their loved ones will be much better off without them.

So how can you know if someone is at risk of suicide? Here are some warning signs:

·        talking about killing or harming themselves,

·        talking and writing a lot about death and dying,

·        seeking out things that could be used in a suicide attempt, i.e. weapons, drugs,

·        giving away things and getting their affairs in order,

·        a sudden sense of calm may mean the person has made the decision,

·        withdrawing, isolating themselves,

·        men and women will often display different warning signs. Men tend to present
     self destructive behaviours, (increase  in alcohol or drugs, reckless driving, unsafe sex, unnecessary risks) while women show more emotional signs (crying, numbness, deep sadness),

·        if a person has a mood disorder (depression, bipolar), is alcohol dependent, has previously attempted suicide, and/or has a family history they are more likely to attempt suicide,

·        studies show that hopelessness is a strong predictor of suicide. Hopelessness may involve the person feeling trapped, that they have no future, that things will never get better. They feel worthless, and have very strong feelings of guilt, shame and self hatred and they will often feel like they are a huge burden to others.

If you are worried about a loved one the first thing to do is to talk to them. Yes this can be difficult, but it may save a life. Often the person will find it very hard to talk about these feelings, especially at first, and particularly if they are male. Sometimes people go to great lengths to disguise their feelings. They may tell loved ones they are doing OK. But if you are worried, persist in a gentle and un-judgmental way. Let them know that you care and that they are not alone. Spend time with them and let them talk. The right words are not important, if you care your voice and manner will show it. Just listen, let them unload. It doesn’t matter how negative it is – the fact that they are giving voice to how they ‘re feeling is a good sign. Being non-judgmental is vital at this point.

You can offer hope, although they probably won’t be able to grasp it wholly. Reassure the person that help is available and that the suicidal feelings are temporary. Let the person know that his or her life is important to you.

Don’t argue with the person, remember they are probably not thinking rationally. Saying things like, "you have so much to live for", "your suicide will hurt your family", “look on the bright side” or telling them that suicide is wrong will not help. Offering to fix their problems or giving advice will not help. It’s not about how bad their problems are, but how badly they are hurting. Ask open, non-judgemental questions. Explore their thoughts about suicide. Ask them if they actually have a plan in mind. If they do, this is a warning that they are serious and need professional help.

If someone often experiences suicidal feelings, they may know their own warning signs and might be able to tell you what these are or write them down. This could help you to look out for the signs in the future.

If you’re worried that someone is at immediate risk of taking their own life, you should stay with that person and take one of the following steps:

• contact their GP for an emergency appointment or the out of hours service
• call their psychiatrist or community mental health team (if they have one),
• ring 000
• take them to the nearest hospital Emergency. They will a have mental health team that can assess and initiate treatment.

Let’s start talking about suicide and mental health issues. Let’s find out more about them. In most cases suicide is preventable. And one day you may just be the person in someone’s life that will be able to offer this help. And if you have already lost a loved one to suicide, please don't read this as saying that you could have done more. You could only do what you knew to do at the time. Which is why we need to be talking about it. We need as a society, and particularly as Christians, to understand so that we can help prevent it happening.

Below is a list of places where you can get more information:

Lifeline: 13 11 14, www.lifeline.org.au

Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636, www.beyondblue.org.au

Suicide Prevention Australia: www.suicidepreventionaust.org

The Black Dog Institute:  www.blackdoginstitute.org.au

International suicide hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

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I’m not a trained professional.

I have just gathered information from reputable sources and presented it here.  Its not meant as specific advice for individuals.

Please, if any of this resonates with you seek professional help.

If you want information on how to do that please email me…ruthch31@gmail.com

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